I Was Gonna Date This Thing But Then I Realized That's Redundant

Wow this font is FUG

Oh God, that's so much better.

Ooh colors!

Okay, okay, I'm done. What can I say? Shiny new blog and options, I get distracted. Though apparently not so new cause I've had this for years, I just never had a use for it. Well I've got a use now! Here I go! What the fuck am I replying to?

Oh right.

Should we do a fancy summary thing?

Last Time on Hey Jake, I'm Blogging: Jessica discussed her frustration at trying to find the re-release of Animorphs #8 while throwing out vlogbrothers references like they're going out of style. Jake replied with Obi-Wan and Demona and some words and stuff. ...this isn't working for me. We'll need to discuss an intro thing.

The problem with taking inspiration from a vblog and trying to translate it in to a a blog blog is that a lot of things like intros and so forth don't work as well if they're just written.  This make me wonder how much of an 'introduction' each of our posts actually need. I guess what it comes down to is am I writing this blog just for you - Jake aka one of my bff's - or for some poor soul that might stumble across this blogging experiment and wonder what it's all about. I guess we can create a post where we explain in detail what this is all about and then link to it every time, but honestly, I'm writing this for us so there's that.

I gotta say, it feels weird starting another blog considering that I now have a facebook, twitter, tumblr, livejournal, myspace, pinterest AND Blogspot that I'm planning on updating. Well, I don't update myspace anymore but I will never delete it because Darren Hayes commented on one of my pictures. Though I guess that's going to be lost forever because I can't remember my goddamn log-in info to get in to MySpace to link to the amazingness that was Darren's comment on one of my photos. See, this just makes me wanna go around the internet and try and move everything in to one convenient location. I hate having things scattered everywhere (a fact you'd never guess looking at my room) but I can't think of a good way to gather it all together. For a while I started to pull  all my journal entries + recieved comments into a word document, a project that I might start again now that I've remembered it. 

I also feel weird having my whole sorta history out on the interwebs. I mean, anyone can see how weird I was before I matured. Just take a look at my first ever deadjournal entry:

This is my first entry...EVER!!! HAHAHA! Well, I'm not that great when it comes to updating journals, but maybe this will be different cause I'm always on the computer anyway. Hmmm...I hope so. 
Um, okay, I guess that sounds kinda familiar

Well, a lot of stuff has happened lately. One of my best on-line friends and her sister came to visit me and I'm having so much fun! At first I was a bit worried that they wouldn't like me or my family but it all seems to be working out just fine!
It went so well that she lives down the street from me now. Mwahahaha!

Oh OH!!! I met Todd Nauck (artist for Young Justice)! He's so great and wonderful! I love that man! He drew me a picture of Robin! Robin... *Drool!* He was sooooo nice! Granted, I was incredibly nervous (not as nervous as my 2 friends though) and didn't talk for the longest time but eventually I loosened up and even asked for "a quick sketch of Robin" and he gave me a complete picture!! I almost died! I woof you Nauck!
Well that's just...I don't get excited over comics anymore...I'm totally not in love with Robin anymore...I've matured...I've moved on...STOP LOOKING!

...must...

....resist...

 

 

I tried...

Best wishes!

Jess

PS - I'm on my laptop so I don't have my my Homestuck bookmark. I'll start keeping track of that next entry.

oooh snap, it's a blogspot post

Watch me scramble as I try to figure out yet another social media. JFC, I just got the hang of tumblr and now I'm moving this blogging thing over here. Why? Cause I'm a comment whore, that's why. So comment.

Something Happy and Something Sad

Hey Jake,

Blogging? I can blog. I’ve blogged since the days of deadjournal.  

Holy shit! Deadjournal LIVES!

Anyway, yes, blogging. Sure thing. Regular updating? Um, I’ll try really hard. I hope that works for you cause that’s as good as you’re gonna get XD

So I was watching vlogbrothers and I strongly suggest you do the same because they have nomed my brain and I’m sure there’ll be Nerdfighter references all over the damn blog. But I digress. I was watching vlogbrothers and Hank made a video about things that make him happy because too often things that make us sad get attention and we take the things that make us happy for granted.

But what about when something that makes us happy also makes us sad? 

Example, you know what makes me happy?

the captcha I had to enter to upload this to tinypic was ‘ermahgerd’ 

I don’t have to explain to you why this makes me happy. It’s Animorphs! And it was the first time we got Aximili as a narrator who was my favorite character for a long time. Also the first time we saw an Andalite - yesh! It wasn’t until I started re-reading them (the first time) that my favorite character became Jake. Oh, and Jake being played by Sean Ashmore in the tv show certainly didn’t hurt either.

Speaking of the tv show, apparently the dude that played Ax does porn now. I read it on the internet, it must be true.

You know what makes me sad?

You know why? Cause I can’t fucking find it anywhere! I ordered it on Amazon only to get an email months later stating that they have to cancel my order due to unavailability of the product. WHY YOU TEASE ME SO, AMAZON?

Next step was going to the website of Barnes & Nobels Noble to try and order it there. Turns out I can only get the e-reader version. I don’t want the e-reader version. I can’t put that on my shelf next to the oldskool Animorphs books. Fine, whatever, internets you have failed me. I’m gonna go to an actual, physical Barnes &  Nobles Noble and buy it there.

Do you realize how difficult it is to find an actual, physical book store these days? Back in my our day you couldn’t walk in to a mall without finding one and now I actually had to search! I finally found one at the Santa Monica Promenade. Filled with hope I dashed over to one of the employees and waved my money in her face while yelling Animorphs #8: The Alien, please! Re-release! =D

She stared at me dumbfounded for a moment and then proceeded to type on the computer.

We only have the e-reader version.

We only have the e-reader version.

We only have the e-reader version.

…

WHAT?! They’re a real, physical book store! They’re supposed to have real, physical books! I gotta be honest, a part of me wanted to argue, but I didn’t, cause that would be dumb. I bought A Song of Ice and Fire instead.

So now I’m on a quest to find Animorphs #8: The Alien the re-release. In fact, that’s gonna be my New Year’s Resolution. If you find it anywhere, dear God, let me know!

This also made me think about e-books. On one hand, they’re a great alternative to physical books. The amount of paper that’s saved has to be staggering (or at least it is in my mind) and of course they’re a million times more efficient and organized, but I can’t help but worry. You know how quickly digital data storage and formats become obsolete. Will future archaeologists have anything to study? Or will they simply find a powerless e-reader, laugh at our primitive technology and put it on display in a museum without ever being able to retrieve the words stored inside it?

That said, I’m gonna start getting more e-books to save trees because if we don’t have a planet in the future then what am I worrying about futuristic archaeologists for? 

So yes, e-books for me. Except for Animorphs. I want those real, physical re-releases so they can join their real, physical oldskool brothers on my realy, physical shelf.

Best wishes!

Jess

Spartacus: Blood and Sand 1x01 – The Red Serpent

So I’m actually gonna do a proper review of this show. I gotta do more reviews and I might as well start now. The only reason I’m watching this show is because of Lucy Lawless and the dude that plays Spartacus because he was the lead in ‘Gabriel’ and I really kinda loved that little indie flick. Now I’m not a scholar, I suck at names, geography escapes me so if I misspell things, don’t get everything correct, please forgive.

And here…we…go…

Spartacus: Blood and Sand 1x01 – The Red Serpent

Opening Title – did I accidentally double click in 300 instead?

Spartacus in shackles. Okay, hawt. I’m with you so far, show.

Oh look, gladiators fighting.

No seriously, did I put on 300?

Also, if I were Spartacus hearing the fight above me I’d be shitting myself. That’s why I’m not Spartacus.

This is where the audience asks itself “But wait, I feel like we’re jumping right into the middle of the story. HOW did he get there?” Luckily we get the answer in form of a -

FLASHBACK! The Romans have come to the Thracian’s to ask for their help in fighting the Jedi…I mean the Getae. The Thracian’s are all ‘fuck you, why should we?’ and Spartacus ‘speaks out of turn but not out of truth’ and asks what they get out of it. The Romans assure them that an alliance with them will lead to the destruction of the Jedi. Hm, why do I have a very bad feeling about this?

Spartacus meets his wife that kinda looks like Michelle from Kings (but isn’t, thank GOD) – Sura – and she does the wife like encouraging thing and then they have sex. Kinda really boring sex.

Next morning she’s standing in a bad green screen composite and angsts. Wtf wife chick? You tell him to go fight and now you’re all ‘lawlz jk, I had a bad dream about some red serpent thing that you’re bowing down to and now you need to stay’ He’s all ‘Nah, blood and honor and SPAAAAARTAAAAA…I mean…SPARTACUUUUS!’ Man up chicky. Husbands go to war all the time. Stop crying.

Omg the green screen composites. Can that background LOOK any faker? Okay, to be fair, the actual keys are nice, it’s the composites. The color’s just don’t match, it looks like they’re walking in front of a very obvious matte painting….WHICH THEY ARE.

We’re treated to a cool time passage montage. I guess. Um, no, actually, not really. It’s WAY too long.

Wtf are they fighting orcs?

300 wants their blood effects back.

And their time ramp effects.

Spartacus’ people are awesome and kicking ass Spartan style. Romans show up and take the glory. OF COURSE. The Romans lied – shocking.

The other Thracian’s are all upset and unruly but Spartacus is so honorable. Giving his word has meaning and he’ll even eat the shit soup that the Romans give them. He’ll also fuck your shit up if you insult his wife.

Oh he’s such a good guy, he helps the man up that insulted his wife and just punched him in the face. Such a good guy, Spartacus. I totally connect with you now. No wait, no I don’t.

So the head Roman dude - Gaius Claudius Glaber - breaks up the fight and heads back to his illustrious little tent where some blonde ditzy chick sneaks up on him. Apparently his wife. And a spoiled rich bitch. Awesome?

So they’re talking and Glaber complains that he doesn’t get the glory if he wins. Ditzy wife is upset because daddy secured the position for him to shine.

Btw, why do they have british accents?

And why does roman dude look so familiar? Let me look that up. HALDIR! He from now on be referred to as Haldir.

Wife chick drops her clothes. She is a natural blonde.

...haldir just went down on someone. D: MY EYES

So Spartacus and his wife insulting friend go stake out the orcs…jedi…whatever the fuck, bad guys and find out the bad guys are gonna go attack their village. Of course the Romans don’t want to go help. In retaliation Spartacus’ wife insulting friend steals Haldir’s wine. I bet it’s poisioned

Nope. I was wrong.

Spartacus and the others refuse to march where the Romans say cause it means leaving their villages undefended. Fight scene. Romans die. Now they’re fucked.

Um, and suddenly we’re back with the wife picking fruit. Why? Oh, she’s startled. Scary figures approach. Oh right, the village gets attacked by the jedi-orcs. Guess it’s bad that I forgot that minor detail after only 1 scene. At least she knows how to fight, kinda. Rape time, now?

Nope, Spartacus TO THE RESCUE. Hey now she fights too. Yays! Hey, she saved Spartacus’ ass. Nice. She may be more useful than I thought.

Oh shit, the village still burns. Luckily Spartacus happened to be at the exact place where she’s picking fruit at the exact time the jedi-orcs were attacking her. Man that was a lucky break for the plot.

So they’re away at this sad little camp out and Spartacus tells her she was right, he shouldn’t have gone. She blah blahs about how he had given his word and the Romans are the ones that betrayed. She tends his wounds.

OMG A RED SERPENT LIKE WOUND.

So Spartacus decides since the village is gone, they can go start over. They’re just gonna go live somewhere in the south and wife chick cries. She cries a lot but she killed like 4 bad guys so it’s okay. She’s just grateful he came back for her even though it could’ve meant his life. “There is no life without you” Awwww! I’d kiss him too! Another sex scene? Omg do they only know that one position? Oh wait, no, there’s more. Still boring though. Guess they’re going for tender. TRU WUV!

HOPE YOU TOOK THE MORNING AFTER PILL CHIKCY! Uh-oh, Haldir’s there! The Roman’s have them and are beating the shit out of Spartacus while they’re dragging poor naked wife away. SLOOOOW MOOOOTION! His wife has been condemned to slavery and he’s gonna die. Sucks for them.

Fucking WEIRD transition AHHH WTF, odd!

Suddenly he’s on a boat, shackled and with his army. Thank GOD he was placed right by his wife insulting friend. Otherwise who would tell him what happened? Alas, he just cares about what happened to his wife. Shock, horror!

You know, for a tv show they have some cool effects.

Haldir and his wife are reunited in rome! Awwwww, I so don’t care. They are cute though. Daddy’s not very pleased with Haldir. Apparently him returning early is a bad idea. He’s gonna make the Thracians gladiators, a creative form of execution. If the crowd loves him so will the senate. Sneaky bastard.

Harem. Where’s Xerxeus? Is that fierce bitch in this too? No, just some old due. I guess it’s ditzy wife’s father. Yup. Orgy party, yay?

Some skinny bitch (Lentulus Batiatus) shows off his gladiators. Scary McBeef Men. One is nicknamed ‘the god of blood and sand’. I guess now I know where the name comes from. Some other skinny bitch also shows of his gladiators.

LUCY (Lucretia, well that won’t be hard to remember)! LUCY YOU FIERCE BITCH I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU! She’s the wife of the first skinny bitch, making him, I guess, the important skinny bitch. Haldir shows off HIS Gladiators and everyone’s all ‘oh shit, dude, Spartans!’ Not really, but they might as well be. Lucy’s all “What’re you gonna do about being one upped, husband skinny bitch?” and he just ‘hmphs’ like a skinny bitch. Spartacus looks at the slaves like ‘omg, where is my wife?’

Now fierce bitch Lucy and skinny bitch husband duel with skinny bitch #2. They snark at each other and Lucy’s all ‘Listen skinny bitch #2, you ain’t got nothing on me. My husband may be a dolt but I got us fucking front row seats with the senator so eat me’ Meanwhile Spartacus is all OMG WHERE AM I?! WHY ARE THERE LESBIANS?! And the other’s are all ‘well if I’m gonna die I might as well watch the hot chicks make out’ Some gladiator dude singles Spartacus out, don’t really know why.

They love their weird transitions. I guess it’s their signature effect. Kinda cool, works for me.

Now we’re back at the beginning of the episode with Spartacus in chains waiting for the games. That rhymes! They drag his ass up to the arena and he struggles, of course. His wife insulting friend up against a gladiator and he just got his throat slashed open. It spurts dramatically and he falls to his knees in slow motion, the force of the blow spinning his body to face Spartacus. His dying gaze seems to say ‘I can’t belive I lost’ while whispering ‘avenge me’. Spartacus stares on in horror, with one question going through his mind again and again “Why? Why me? How did I get here? Why must I fight?” …sorry. The emotion of the scene got the better of me.

Anyway the dude is dead, the crowd cheers, Spartacus looks angrily into the camera, Haldir is well pleased, Lucy is still a fierce bitch. All is good.

So Spartacus steps out to fight, he wanders around like an idiot for a second but then readies himself, angry. ANGRY. Suddenly the doors open and…3 MORE gladiators show up. 4 against 1?! The crowd does not approve. Haldir is all ‘bitch please, it’ll be good, this guy deserves it’ and he gives the command for the fight to start. AND THEY’RE OFF.

Swing, dodge, thrust, trip! Spartacus is down! He gets slashed across the back, there’s blood! The crowd is sure it’s over. Shield to the face! Ow! Um…I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure a thrust to the back of the head like that would’ve broke his neck or at LEAST knocked him out, judging by the buckets of blood that just came spurting out of his skull. Anyway, it’s a tv show.

So there he is, on his knees, beaten, broken. He looks up and sees…A FUCKING RED SERPENT ON THE GLADIATORS SHIELD! HIS WIFE WAS RIGHT OMG! Haldir is all ‘finish him’ and Spartacus’ wife’s voice rings in his ears ‘Kill them all’ Me thinks we’re about to see a dramatic turn around in the fight, folks!

HE STABS THE BITCH! And suddenly he can fight like he hasn’t fought before, nevermind the beating he just took that should’ve killed him! he’s ANGRY! Nothing touches him. The gladiators fall like flies! OH IT’S A BLOOD BATH! The crowd cheers! THEY GO WILD! “KILL KILL KILL!” Spartacus stabs the hell out of the guy with no legs that’s desperately trying to crawl away (okay that’s kinda sad) and the blood EXPLODES!

No, it literally explodes out of the dude’s back. It’s a lot of blood. Learn from 300 guys, less is more, that was like a truck load of blood that just exploded all over the place. Way too much. Anyway YAY SPARTACUS! IT’S LIKE YOU WEREN’T HURT AT ALL.

And Haldir is like ‘well shit, he was supposed to die’. The crowd shouts ‘live’ while husband skinny bitch decides to purchase Spartacus so they don’t have to kill him and Haldir gets all pissy. Senator agrees, Haldir is upset, Spartacus lives. Hey wait a minute…his name isn’t ACTUALLY Spartacus? They’re NAMING him Spartacus after the Thracian king of old? They never mentioned this dudes name? Really? …really? Oh, okay.

Okay, you can pretty much do anything with a screaming crowd shot and I’m sold.

Oh, Steven S. DeKnight made this show? Well played.

So as far as a first episode goes it was alright. The effects were impressive and looked reasonably high budget, but blatantly ripping off 300’s look and style makes me compare it to 300 which it just can’t hold a candle to. The fight scenes are good, the acting is decent, the dialogue is mostly forgettable and the cast is hot.

I really kind of wish the episode hadn’t been mostly flashbacks. I think it would’ve been much more interesting to have it start with him in chains and have us piece together what happened through mini flash backs and visual/audio clues. Spartacus comes on a little heavy-handed. He’s the honorable, kind yet kick-ass main character. Honestly, he comes across as kinda boring. None of the characters have depth yet, but maybe that will change as we go along.

So that’s my review, I hope you guys enjoyed it. I’m planning on doing this whenever I watch something now, but chances are I’ll be slacking off. Oh well, one can hope!

The Almost Successful Comic Book Signing Event

Went to a comic book signing with Gerard Way today, except by the time I got there they already gave all the wrist bands away. Well gee, someone should've maybe mentioned wrist bands and a limit of people when I was in there on Wednesday. Or maybe it could've been on the flier. But no, whatever. So I hung out outside with some other people that came too late and man...after a while I wanted to punch some of these girls. Besides the expected "oh he's changed", "he's gotten pretentious" and "it's not the same anymore" butthurt comments most fans spew when bands don't do exactly as they wish some of these girls started to sing as loud as they could and totally off key in front of the comic store. WTF?!

Okay guys...news flash: HE WASN'T THERE TO PROMOTE THE BAND! HE WAS THERE TO PROMOTE HIS COMIC BOOK SERIES! It has NOTHING to do with My Chemical Romance except both involving a certain Mr. Gerard Way! I get that most of the people in line didn't give a shit about the comic book but I did. I'm a collector. I'm a comic geek. I wanted to discuss the finer points of The Rumors powers with him, but noooooo. /end tangent rant

So some dude came out of the store and said that the singing was horrible and wow he didn't sound or look like he was kidding. I was so embarrassed. I wasn't the only one. It was literally just a group of like 10 girls singing song after song after song. SHUT UP! So finally, after he signs everyones comics, he steps outside real quick to wave and people freak out and start to scream and he hurries back inside.

...DON'T SCREAM IN HIS FACE! Do they really think screaming at him will make him want to stay? UGH people! UGH!

I like AFI fans so much better.

It breaks my heart

Darren always states things better than I ever could. Please, spread the love as much as you can and help us fight this idiocy.

It breaks my heart

18 thousand married couples in California face their unions being discredited and their relationships declared invalid because of a campaign of hate. Please take a moment to watch this peaceful statement and sign the petition if you feel as strongly as I do that this madness has got to stop.

I am a human being. I am male. I have brown hair. I have blue eyes. And I am gay. I was born with these characteristics and it's about time we stop punishing people for their genetic make up and accept that in 100 years time we will be as ashamed of how we treat differences in sexuality as we do about our horrible history of racism. People have been walking into registrary offices for an entire generation getting civil marriages that do not involve religion. Same sex partners simply want the same rights as every other human being in the free wold. To marry the person they love.
With love in my heart..
xD

VNV Nation - El Rey Theater, October 22nd

I know this review is long overdue, but whatever.

I went and met Rita at her dorm at 6 and we drove to the El Rey theater. We got there an hour before and stood in line. Once again, I'm baffled by the fact that people didn't start showing up until half an hour before the doors opened. Oh if only AFI or MCR shows were like this! So we went and stood in front of the stage and met a nice guy named Ricky and his girlfriend (?) whose name I don't remember ;_; She and I bonded over liking NSync and the Spice Girls once upon a time. I honestly don't remember the opening bands. I guess they weren't that impressive, but VNV Nation sure was.

They opened with Joy which is possibly my favorite song. They had such energy and I loved jumping around to the music. The crowd always left you enough room to move and breathe, I really appreciate that about electronica shows. I can't remember the set list and everything kinda blends together so I guess this'll be a short review but I loved it. The singer was hilarious and very endearing and he said some things that were really moving. Hearing them play live was so awesome, you really just got to move to the music. It was also the loudest crowd I've ever been in.

There was a girl behind us who was really drunk and kept screaming in our ears and then she kept apologizing. It was kinda funny. I didn't mind. And the fact that I was tall meant that I kept grabbed onto for support and balance. Amused me. Oh and there was this random moment where a dude dressed in nothing but speed-o and a horse head walked up to the singer and handed him a drink. SO. SURREAL!

After the show we were gonna wait for the band but we were pretty beat and hungry so we went to Swingers instead and had a very late dinner. Then we went back to rita's and went to sleep. So all in all a successful concert!

Happy happy joy joy!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy your turkey/tofurkey!

Bad Dreams

I had a bunch of not fun dreams last night. Mostly they involved me not being able to find my way to the 405 from Rita's place (but it was Katie's in my dream), my mom having done a hit and run, bombs going off at Borders by my street and Jake, my family and I having to evacuate our apartment building. It was a lot of frustration and not being able to do anything. Not fun.

But I also had this random moment in the dream where Sandy, Chaplin and Harry came running up to us and I was petting Harry and said "We miss you, Harry." I just petted and hugged him for minutes in my dream. I had this feeling of I could get him back. My poor puppy. I miss him more today than I have in the past week. I think it's cause it felt like he was back for a few brief moments.

In other news: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!